Five years ago, I hired a UX designer with exceptional soft skills. Articulate in meetings. Diplomatic with stakeholders. Created beautiful presentation decks. Responded to Slack within minutes with encouragement and emoji.

Three months later, the project failed because they’d agreed to every terrible idea anyone suggested.

Seventeen stakeholder requests. Fourteen contradictory features. Zero pushback.

The product launched as a compromise nobody wanted, designed by a committee nobody asked for.

Their soft skills were outstanding. Their design judgment was invisible.

That’s when I realized “great soft skills” in a job description usually means “won’t challenge us when we’re wrong.”

Which is exactly what clients don’t need but desperately want.

(Like hiring a doctor who agrees with your self-diagnosis.)

Now I hire differently.

The Red Flags I Wish I’d Known About

Here’s what “soft skills” actually translates to in job descriptions:

“Excellent communicator”
Can explain ideas clearly but won’t defend them under pressure. Will rewrite the reasoning to match whatever the room decides. Like those designers who are too polite to say “this is wrong”.

One candidate told me their communication strength was “making everyone feel heard.” That’s a meeting facilitator, not a designer.

“Strong stakeholder management skills”
Excellent at managing up, terrible at managing expectations. Will say yes to impossible timelines, contradictory requirements, and 23 separate “quick tweaks” in a 40-minute meeting.

“Team player with collaborative mindset”
Design by committee enthusiast. Will facilitate workshops where everyone votes on button colors. Believes consensus beats conviction.

I had a contractor who thought “collaborative” meant never making a design decision without group input. The result was four stakeholders with opinions and zero clarity about what to build.

Two weeks debating navigation patterns. Everyone felt ownership. Nobody knew what they owned.

“Diplomatic and professional”
Conflict-avoidant. Thinks pushback is unprofessional.

Diplomacy means explaining why something won’t work without making people feel stupid. Not agreeing to bad ideas because disagreement feels uncomfortable.

“Thrives in fast-paced environments”
Will work unreasonable hours to accommodate poor planning. Won’t push back on impossible deadlines because that would seem “inflexible.”

Fast-paced is fine. Chaotic because nobody planned properly isn’t.

The Hire That Broke Me (And My Faith in Soft Skills)

Three years ago, I brought in a senior designer for a fintech project. Portfolio was solid. References glowed. Interview perfect.

Three weeks in, everything fell apart in a single review meeting.

The CEO (who hadn’t been involved until that moment) walked into our dashboard review. The designer had already redesigned it based on eight different requests from five different people in a previous meeting. Every feature demanding equal attention. The interface looked like a wall of settings.

The CEO stared at it for maybe fifteen seconds.

“This feels too busy. Can we simplify by showing everything at once but smaller?”

That’s not simplification. That’s compression. It would make everything worse.

The designer nodded. Started taking notes. “We can definitely explore that direction.”

I waited for the pushback. The questions. The “let me understand what problem we’re trying to solve.”

Nothing.

After the meeting: “Do you agree with that suggestion?”

“Not really. But he’s the CEO. I didn’t want to make it awkward.”

There it was. Soft skills optimized for feelings, not outcomes.

We’d hired someone who could manage stakeholder relationships beautifully but couldn’t manage the actual design. Their soft skills were impeccable. Their judgment was nonexistent.

The project took three extra months unwinding bad decisions they’d agreed to. Every single one made with excellent communication and diplomatic professionalism.

I never brought them back.

What I Learned About “Soft Skills”

The industry’s obsession with soft skills has created designers who are great at meetings and terrible at design.

Communication isn’t about making people comfortable – it’s about making things clear. Sometimes clarity is uncomfortable.

Collaboration isn’t consensus – it’s using different perspectives to reach better solutions. Sometimes that means overruling popular opinions.

Stakeholder management isn’t accommodation – it’s setting boundaries and defending them. Like knowing who you’re actually designing for instead of designing for whoever speaks loudest.

The “soft skills” most job descriptions want create designers who avoid conflict instead of managing it. Who smooth over problems instead of solving them. Who optimize for stakeholder satisfaction instead of user outcomes.

That’s not design. That’s customer service with Figma.

The Type of Designer I Work With Now

I still care about communication, collaboration, and stakeholder relationships. But I reframed what those actually mean.

They explain “no” clearly. Not rudely. Not arrogantly. But directly. “That won’t work because…” followed by specific reasoning.

They can defend a position under pressure without becoming defensive. They know the difference between being challenged and being attacked.

(Most people don’t.)

They distinguish between input and decisions. They’ll gather feedback from anyone relevant. Then they’ll make a decision based on that feedback, not a vote.

Democracy is great for countries. Terrible for interface design.

They question assumptions. When someone suggests a change, they ask why. Not to be difficult – to understand the problem behind the request.

They know that most design problems people articulate aren’t the real design problems.

They can say “I was wrong” without drama. Changing your mind based on new information isn’t weakness. Defending a bad idea because admitting error feels uncomfortable is.

They manage up. But “managing up” means educating stakeholders about design constraints, not protecting them from reality.

Saying “that timeline won’t work” in week one beats missing it in week twelve.

Discovery Call Red Flags

“I’m very adaptable.”

Often means: “I’ll change the design to match your opinion even if it makes things worse.”

Adaptability is good. Spinelessness isn’t.

“I believe in putting the client first.”

Users are first. Client satisfaction comes from solving user problems, not from agreeing with client opinions.

When you design like Pharaoh, you’re serving the wrong person.

“I’ve never had a project where the client wasn’t happy.”

Either they work with exceptionally reasonable clients (rare) or they agree to everything (common).

“I’m great at finding middle ground.”

Sometimes there is no middle ground. Sometimes one approach is correct and the other is wrong.

Compromise between those two isn’t wisdom – it’s just a different kind of wrong.

What Changed When I Got Picky

Projects finish faster.

Designers who push back early prevent months of rework later. Saying no to bad ideas in week one beats redesigning in week twelve.

Clients respect boundaries.

When you hire people who can defend decisions, clients learn to trust those decisions.

When you hire people who accommodate everything, clients learn to question everything.

Better outcomes.

Products designed by someone with conviction beat products designed by committee.

Even when the committee includes people with good intentions and “great soft skills.”

Less stress.

Working with designers who can handle conflict means I don’t have to handle it all.

They can say no when needed. They don’t need me to be the bad guy.

(Which is nice, because I was getting tired of it.)

The Soft Skills Reality Check

The industry tells junior designers that soft skills will get them hired.

That’s technically true – you’ll get hired by companies who want designers who won’t challenge them.

Those companies are using “soft skills” as code for “won’t be difficult.”

Real valuable skills:

• Explaining why an idea won’t work
• Defending a decision under pressure
• Knowing when to compromise and when to hold firm
• Managing conflict instead of avoiding it
• Saying “that’s a bad idea” diplomatically but clearly

Fake valuable skills:

• Making everyone feel heard (even when they’re wrong)
• Never creating “awkward” situations (by never disagreeing)
• Being “flexible” (by having no firm opinions)
• “Stakeholder management” (by avoiding stakeholder education)

If you’re a designer building your soft skills, build the ones that serve the design. Not the ones that serve people who want to feel comfortable while making bad decisions.

If you’re hiring designers and “soft skills” is in your job description, ask yourself: do you want someone who communicates well, or someone who won’t push back when you’re wrong?

Those are different people.

The first one is worth hiring. The second one will cost you three extra months and a product nobody wanted.

(And if you’re wondering why your design system keeps getting ignored, maybe check whether the person who built it had “great soft skills” but couldn’t defend why it mattered.)

Next time you see “excellent soft skills” in a job description, read it as “won’t challenge our bad ideas.”

Then decide if that’s what you actually need.

(Spoiler: it’s not.)